Just Babbling

sometimes I just want to fit in

There are days when I feel embarrassed to be me. Maybe embarrassed isn’t the right word, I don’t know what word fits. I feel sad to be me? Maybe not that either.

I rely on a handful of medication to help me function as a “normal” person, maybe normal is a bit of a stretch, more like to help me function enough to appear like I fit in. Why? Because I have a personality disorder. I’m litterally a flawed individual. I’m a genetic misfit to the point that despite having a perfectly healthy kid (apparently I have a lot of luck) they still don’t want my eggs because I might produce a child like me. I might produce a child who doesn’t fit in properly or is prone to depression. So no one wants my genetics. Which is sad and hurtful, am I not a person to? Am I such a burden that someone wouldn’t want a kid like me? I think I’m pretty awesome, I have a lot of issues yeah and I deal with a lot on a daily basis but I’m still human, I still feel things. Actually that right there is my problem. I feel too much. Thats kinda the short version of borderline personality disorder; I lack the chemicals that control emotions. I over feel things and become overwhelmed quickly.