What does Borderline Personality Disorder mean?

Do yourself myself and others like me a favour and read up on Borderline Personality Disorder before reading the post, it might make a little more sense to you if you do. You don’t have to, it’s just a suggestion.

My emotions are pretty black and white but overly so, there is no grey, it’s either really dark or it’s really bright and it can go from one to the other in an instant. The light is full of sarcasm, inside jokes and rats with party hats on where as the dark is blades, self loathing and regret. The medication is dimmer switch if you will or the bridge between the two. It’s what balances the two out, it makes the dark a seem a little less dark and the light not as bright. It doesn’t sort it out completely though, I sometimes wish it did, my emotions still run a lot stronger than what’s classified as average and am a lot more sensitive to things and coupled of course with sensory sensitivity doesn’t make it any better. But it helps.

Are you following along? Yes? No? Maybe? Let’s explain it more clinically then…

People with BPD are often exceptionally idealistic, joyful and loving. However they may feel overwhelmed by negative emotions, experiencing intense grief instead of sadness, shame and humiliation instead of mild embarrassment, rage instead of annoyance and panic instead of nervousness. People with BPD are especially sensitive to feelings of rejection, isolation and perceived failure. Before learning other coping mechanisms, their efforts to manage or escape from their intense negative emotions may lead to self-injury or suicidal behavior. They are often aware of the intensity of their negative emotional reactions and, since they cannot regulate them, they shut them down entirely. This can be harmful to people with BPD, since negative emotions alert people to the presence of a problematic situation and move them to address it.

Living with depression is hard; depression isn’t something you “just get over.” If you’ve never suffered from depression, it is difficult to understand what it means to be clinically depressed.

The state of being of depression is one thing to cope with, people’s expectations of a quick ‘recovery’ is another. I think most depression sufferers have felt their surroundings indirectly saying that now this depression affair has lasted long enough and that they should “get over it.”
This attitude is not only harmful to the depression sufferer, but it isn’t even remotely practical as a way of dealing with depression.

What is depression?

It’s a question that will often be met with a fairly misinformed answer. Depression isn’t just a time when you’re feeling a little sad or ‘down.’ It’s an ongoing problem characterized by low moods and often suicidal thoughts, and it results from a real imbalance in brain chemistry. This is why it’s not something people can just ‘get over’ – there are real physical processes involved that make this problem often impossible to overcome by willpower alone and as such I have come to the conclusion that anyone who goes through this is a warrior. So are their loved ones, who fight with them. Because as lonely as it feels there is no way you can get through it without having one hell of a support system in place.

You know how when you get visual or audible stimulus, or when you touch something , your brain dictates a response to this sensual stimuli. You see me and your brain automatically sends out a response at the sight of me. But in depression, you see things, normal things, and the response your brain flings out does not match. Depression defies logic all sense of logic, you can feel angry that children are laughing or sad for the same reason instead of joyous as they are.

How do I deal with it?

One day at a time. And with a cocktail of medication.