Oh fuck I have heard this said to me so often that if I had a R10 note for every time I heard it I’d own that farm in a small forest town already. But hey, they are sort of right. IT IS IN MY HEAD, THAT’S THE PROBLEM! My brain, it has issues.
I’ve heard how finding Jesus will cure me. How just changing my diet will fix everything. How I need to be more positive because that will fix it all and man I’ve heard too often how it’s just attention seeking.
As a youngster they told my mom it was because of the divorce. Then it was jealousy because of my half brother and as a teen I was labeled simply as rebellion and teenage anger or whatever. It took years for someone to actually LISTEN and think that maybe just maybe there was more to it. Then it took a further few years until someone realized that hey, it’s a little more than just the original diagnosis.
Borderline Personality Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Bipolar, but BPD is not bipolar even though you can have them both together. Bipolar is “easily” sorted with medication that helps replace the chemicals that are lacking. BPD is ingrained into your personality and even though medication does help it’s not a quick fix and is only one part of the whole management process.
I live and function relatively “normal” although there are more than just a couple of things I struggle with on a daily basis. This does not mean I am some psychopathic monster. I am a great mother, I run my own business, I look after myself relatively well and I have never killed anyone. But I think the one thing that really keeps me grounded is the unicorn. Who knows what life would be like without him and his amazing little personality and tenacious behaviours.
The most important thing I have learnt over the years is that IT’S OKAY to admit that you need help, it doesn’t make you weak, neither does taking medication to help you cope.
IT’S OKAY TO NOT ALWAYS BE OKAY.
Some more info on BPD if you’re interested in knowing a little more about it :
BPD is regarded as a serious, disabling brain disorder, not simply an aberration of personality. In DSM-5, symptoms of BPD are listed as: feelings of abandonment; unstable and intense interpersonal relationships; unstable sense of self; impulsivity; suicidal or self-mutilating behavior; affective instability (dysphoria, irritability, anxiety); chronic feelings of emptiness; intense anger episodes; and transient paranoid or dissociative symptoms. Clearly, these clusters of psychopathological and behavioral symptoms reflect a pervasive brain disorder associated with abnormal neurobiology and neural circuitry that at times, stubbornly defy therapeutic intervention.
MRI studies have revealed the following abnormalities in BPD:
• hypoplasia of the hippocampus, caudate, and dorsolateral prefrontal cortex
• variations in the CA1 region of the hippocampus and subiculum
• smaller-than-normal orbitofrontal cortex (by 24%, compared with healthy controls) and the mid-temporal and left cingulate gyrii (by 26%)
• larger-than-normal volume of the right inferior parietal cortex and the right parahippocampal gyrus
• loss of gray matter in the frontal, temporal, and parietal cortices
• an enlarged third cerebral ventricle
• in women, reduced size of the medial temporal lobe and amygdala
• in men, a decreased concentration of gray matter in the anterior cingulate
• reversal of normal right-greater-than-left asymmetry of the orbitofrontal cortex gray matter, reflecting loss of gray matter on the right side
• a lower concentration of gray matter in the rostral/subgenual anterior cingulate cortex
• a smaller frontal lobe.