Oh fuck I have heard this said to me so often that if I had a R10 note for every time I heard it I'd own that farm in a small forest town already. But hey, they are sort of right. IT IS IN MY HEAD, THAT'S THE PROBLEM! My brain, it has issues. I've heard how finding Jesus will cure me. How just changing my diet will fix everything. How I need to be more positive because that will fix it all and man I've heard too often...

she was not fragile like a flower; she was fragile like a bomb.   I feel like this quote pretty much sums up my life. Particularly at the moment, I've been holding on and I'm so scared I just explode into pink mist and evaporate to nothingness. Yesterday was a shitty day, perhaps it was too much sun (me and the sun, we are not friends) or it was the overload of socializing. Either way I didn't want to do anything, I spent most of the day cuddling with Fysh and...

The Person is the most damn patient and quietly persistent person I have ever met. He's done so many things to help out and for a long time I resisted because "my life is fine stop trying to change it" but here and there I started giving in. And it's funny how things happen like that, you start changing one small thing here and there and the ripple effect is tremendous. I started forcing myself to disconnect and go to bed earlier than usual, whether or not I had...

Who is a daughter of the forest? She is the girl who goes hiking in a dress, not because she is impractical, but because she is perfectly at home among the wild shadows. The forest daughter is that grown woman who comes home with pine cones in her purse. She’s probably got a stash of creek rocks somewhere, or a few favorite leaves drying on her porch. She goes on vacation and brings home a birch bark curl, a grey fuzzle of arctic moss, a delicate fern or wildflower pressed between the...

I like to think that I can be spontaneous and don't need a rigid schedule but I'm just lying to myself. While I don't write it all down and list it hour by hour like some people I do plan out my day and week in my head and if anyone messes with my planning I get agitated and sometimes rather snappy and mean. I've been thinking I need to keep a schedule and then send those around me a link to it so they can schedule themselves in...

Have you ever had a day where you're trying REALLY hard to have a great day but life feels the need to test how real that determination is?  I had the penguin random house children's books showcase this afternoon and I was so amped because books and people who like books!  But...

It feels like yesterday and also eons ago that I was that crazy loud teen that partied hard every weekend after work. Not that you'd say it though. I was badly bullied in my earlier school and even highschool years so when I had a new start at a new school I was like the boogeymans daughter in monster high. I blended as best I could. I had a job and everything.  But as soon as I went out I'd put on this other personality almost, the "normal party...

I haven't really been writing here much lately as you can tell despite having several things to review and books to talk about. It's been easier for me to Instagram my thoughts and I feel a bit more validated there like people are actually seeing it. Dumb I know. Another reason I haven't been writing much is because I've been so busy I simply don't get around to it. I started my 365 project with the hopes of it helping me mentally as last year was so rough I needed...

'Sup bitch. When I was in school I decided no kids for me and yet at 20 you were carrying a little bean that would turn into the smart mouthed brilliant soul that is my minion.  However, you didn't very much like this bean and changed your mind at around 7 months and told him to vacate whether he was ready or not. And in doing this you nearly killed the both of us. But we're still here! I had talked to our surgeon afterwards and asked if she would fix you up, make...

Often my brain frustrates me so much. Have you even had that moment when something feels really familiar and then it triggers an old memory that you can't fully grasp but it nags and nags and nags and you just have to figure it out? The narration of the new Netflix lemony snickets series did that for me today and I ended up spending an hour trying to figure out what the fuck that nagging was...

My post on why I homeschool seems to have weeded a few people out of my timeline. I've been called childish and selfish for choosing to homeschool, that I had clearly not done any research because I don't argue well and that Fysh will end up hating me for ruining his life. I was not homeschooled. I attended normal government schools and did a two year stint in a private all girls school. I was subject to all the standardised tests and bullied by teachers and peers alike for my awkwardness...

So in 2017 I'll be attempting my very first 365 project and to help make it happen I was going to do a crowd funding thing but then thought perhaps Patreon was a better idea because long term I'd also like to exhibit the pieces from the project and also finish the book that is currently penned on napkins! What is Patreon : Basically Patrons help artists be appreciated and actually allow them to be the artist they are. I stuck at really explaining though so here's a video...

I used to cut and I have many scars (most now covered with ink) marking many difficult times. I've had several tattooos done over the years here and there and then I met Clint. I had him help cover the scars with ink that's meaningful to me and he decided to take me on as a project of sorts, or so I joke. They need things done around the shop occasionally like filling, social media management etc and I need ink so we barter exchange and now when I'm going...

Bikers, failed policing, police, abuse, situations, mental health problems, mental health blogger, borderline personality disorder, bpd, depression, adhd, scared, rescue, protection, getting a protection order, SA police, SAPO, police department, the state of the country, leaving SA, emigration, moving,...

Today can go suck it.  And not because this morning my leg gave out from under me causing me to mess an entire mug of perfectly good coffee and hurting some or other muscle.  And not because Fysh dropped a brand new jar of cheese spread that I had to clean up and throw out or that he spilled an entire bowl of popcorn all over my floor.  Not even because telkom has capped my uncapped Internet when I have shit to finish.  It can suck it because today I my anxiety...

1. Whatever is causing the anxiety might seem irrational to you, but it is very fucking real to us Very, Very real. 2. Anxiety can happen at any moment, and when it does, we only need one thing: support. Don't try and fix it it, just be there for us, or at least let us know you're there for us if we need it. 3. We’re not blowing you off. It’s hard to make plans, and talking on the phone is equally difficult at times, all the time for most of us. It doesn’t mean we don’t desperately...

Book, book love, bookmark, Charlie foxtrot, stripey stockings, polymer clay, mental health, add, adhd, anxiety, mental health blogger, borderline personality disorder, bpd, depression, getting stuck, stick in my own head, aspiring writer, local author, writer, children's book author, it's okay, be yourself, polymer clay bookmark, ooak, Waldorf dolls, handmade, arting, crafts, crafty mom, art mom, reader, reader goods,...

"Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it." — Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I've followed this girl on instagram for a while now, I think I started following her through someone else when I was looking for other people with BPD to follow when I was diagnosed, so it's been a while now. When I "met" Megs she was committed in a ward and it was really interesting learning about ward life, she'd jumped out a...

I met Lizanne from clayjarpeople (and here) years ago on twitter and she's great, for the first time this year though I got to meet her in person and she's even better, she totes get's the awkwardness and doesn't make you keep up conversation if you don't want to. I'm glad I got to properly meet her before they relocated to New Zealand though the move has meant I got an awesome parcel from across the waters haha. Here's her story, share the love, leave a comment and be supportive <3 What...

There seems to be this stigma that only weak people take medications for mental health (I was told this). Well fuck you if you're one of those that think so. Seriously. Because you know what you're not considering? Side effects. And let me tell you this, side effects are most definitely NOT for the weak. When it comes to finding the right cocktail there's a lot of trial and error, what works for you and makes you happy can have the opposite effect on me and make me worse. It's...